Fractured fairytales

I feel myself unravelling. I wonder if the way I see the world and my fractured place in it, is an accurate reflection of reality. My last blood test came back as 980. I thought it would have gone down, not up. I'm tired but can't sleep, hungry (sometimes) but can't eat. I start to feel that the world would be better off if I wasn't in it. I was doing great with the Plexy 10 until I reached the end of the first box. It seems to happen that way. It's like I feel that having finished the box that should be it. I can't handle stress but everything seems to be stressing me out. How do I stay motivated to stay on this supplement and diet if I don't give a rats about myself? It's a vicious cycle - I need to be on the supplement in order to feel better about myself but I need to feel better about myself in order to stay on the supplement. To voice the actors lament, 'what's my motivation?' I have no children, no 'other', significant or otherwise, in fact I hardly have any family at all. The motivation has to come from somewhere inside me and let's face it, sometimes it just aint there. I used to think that a slow decent into madness would be a bit like Alice's trip to Wonderland (I use the word trip deliberately, as there is an opinion that Lewis Carol was on opium when he wrote it, explains a lot really) However, it hasn't been a day dream to an exciting fantasy land, but one of anxiety and some despair. It wasn't until I developed an anxiety disorder that I realised that my happy slide into crazyville wasn't going to work out like that. Just another unfulfilled dream I guess. Fairytales are supposed to start with "Once upon a time" and end with "And they all lived happily ever after." This one hasn't, so far. At least Alice had Wonderland.